remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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