you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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