hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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