I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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