yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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