OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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