i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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