so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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