I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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