drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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