Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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