Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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