I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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