If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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