i'm signing you up for texting rehab
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize