sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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