my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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