The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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