you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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