His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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