Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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