you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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