All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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