the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In America we eat man semen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize