you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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