like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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