we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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