where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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