Whod you bang
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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