Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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