You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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