i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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