im holly from the hills drunk
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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