Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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