He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize