The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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