I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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