Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
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She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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