Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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