I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize