The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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