Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize