And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize