Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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