Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize