This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize