Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize