I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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