I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize