i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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